the art of indistinct divination

yesterday's post was written during the all-staff retreat, but i didn't use a computer all day, so it never got posted. oops. also, there was a large amount of vodka involved with my afterallstaffretreat.

in light of the aasr (see above for acronym definition), my post for yesterday will seem a bit ironic. but what the hell. i never said i am actually a real grownup.

----------------------

something weird happened to me last year. i can't really put my finger on the exact date or time, but there was a click. no, it was a crack. like a tree hit by lightning that splits down the center and is engulfed by flames.

i am no longer terrified of the future. it doesn't exist for me as a gloomy nebula into which i'm hurtling headlong. it exists, but instead of being a heavy tangible terror, it just is. the opacity is becoming more transparent.

when thinking about the future lately, i haven't gotten the searing pit of anxiety and dread in my stomach. it's actually quite exciting.

maybe it has been becoming 30, evolving in my job, or somehow maintaining my marriage. possibly these things are symptoms of what some would call being a "grownup."

the weirdest part of it all is that i just noticed one day that i felt different. nothing happened. there was no lightning. not really.

-----------------------
warily unfrightened,
serenity

eff the effing eff

oh no, oh no, ohnoohononoono! i missed a post. upon breaking my slumber this morning i realized that i totally forgot to post yesterday. i am sorry. my only excuses involve lack of sleep and jean-luc picard, and those aren't very good. everyone (the aether and/or the 'royal' everyone) please forgive my horrible lapse.

i'm writing this without reading gregory's last post. i feel so behind. i am a behind. ha.

whew.

here's a list of my vows:
drink one amount of water equal to each amount of coffee imbibed
post EVERY day
get more sleep
learn how to say 'no' and graciously
stop being so hard on myself

m'kay, bye. i'm not sure if i should post twice today to make up for yesterday that way i have 365 posts at the end or if i should leave yesterday blank like a gaping tooth hole or for the prophet. hmmmm... methinks 365. will ask g.