the art of indistinct divination

yesterday's post was written during the all-staff retreat, but i didn't use a computer all day, so it never got posted. oops. also, there was a large amount of vodka involved with my afterallstaffretreat.

in light of the aasr (see above for acronym definition), my post for yesterday will seem a bit ironic. but what the hell. i never said i am actually a real grownup.

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something weird happened to me last year. i can't really put my finger on the exact date or time, but there was a click. no, it was a crack. like a tree hit by lightning that splits down the center and is engulfed by flames.

i am no longer terrified of the future. it doesn't exist for me as a gloomy nebula into which i'm hurtling headlong. it exists, but instead of being a heavy tangible terror, it just is. the opacity is becoming more transparent.

when thinking about the future lately, i haven't gotten the searing pit of anxiety and dread in my stomach. it's actually quite exciting.

maybe it has been becoming 30, evolving in my job, or somehow maintaining my marriage. possibly these things are symptoms of what some would call being a "grownup."

the weirdest part of it all is that i just noticed one day that i felt different. nothing happened. there was no lightning. not really.

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warily unfrightened,
serenity